Friday, 1 August 2014

Story of My Life

Since having E.J. the girls curiosity has naturally grown into their birth family history. The questions have been more frequent and you can see their little minds trying to make sense of who they have lived with and the time frames this all falls into. They have included questions such as, 'Where was I born?' 'Who's tummy was I in?' and 'Which hospital was I born in?' Whilst addressing these questions the best I could, my eldest daughter told me that she could not remember what her birth mother looked like. I thought now may be an appropriate time to tell her that we had been given a photo and then asked her if she would like to see it, to which she replied that she would.

Taking down the life story books from the attic, I felt nervous to share the information as I know in the past they have got upset and on occasions, experienced nightmares when confronted with their past. Sitting down at the dining room table with my oldest two daughters we opened the books. My oldest daughter only wanted to look at the picture of her mom, cried, cuddled me and then put her book away. My middle daughter however wanted to look through the whole of her book. Sitting next to her I nervously turned the pages and sat anxiously while she scanned the photos. Again, she cried and needed a cuddle. Since looking at her book she has been struggling with missing her birth family. I found it interesting to listen to her as it is clear that she does not understand time frames or when people were or were not present in her life.

My youngest daughter sat on my lap earlier today whilst looking up at a blown-up picture taken from on our wedding day. She asked me where she was when that photo was taken. I wasn't quite sure how best to answer, as at the time, her birth mother would have been pregnant with her and how do you explain that to a three year old?!

What I have found to be positive is the fact that the girls are able to talk to my husband and I about their feelings and feel safe enough to ask various questions. We knew at some point we would need to address these topics and I would rather have an open conversation with the girls over the years rather than deal with it in one go when they hit puberty! Another positive is that they have taken to their little brother and are keen to cuddle him and to help me with little jobs that need doing. I believe that the girls feel included and this is important for them. 



4 comments:

  1. I know I need to do Life Story work with my boys again soon. I feel we're at the point where a little more information can be shared. I however, like you am worried about how unsettling this may be, especially for my older boy who is just about to start high school. However I know that there may never be a perfect time and I don't want to leave it and make it harder in the future. So I understand how you must have felt. Sounds to me like you did a great job and it is important to go at their pace, which you did. glad they are enjoying there new little brother too.

    Thanks for sharing on #WASO

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  2. Hiya, thank you for the encouragement, nice to know I'm not on my own ;) Hope it goes well for you when you get your son's book out again.

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  3. Hi. We have never ever regretted doing life story work with ours (they came to us age 3). My husband has always been really good at making it into an event, I do more of the ongoing stuff. And therapy also really helped us with it (timelines, theraplay, drama therapy). Sounds like your girls know they are safe with you and that can only help them deal with their fears and unknowns.

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    1. Hi, thank you very much for reading the blog and taking the time to comment.

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