Tuesday, 7 January 2014

The Waiting Game....



 I have pondered over whether to write this blog or not. I wondered if I should write it in the present tense or as a reflective piece.

As things have been delayed for the second time I have decided I needed to blog about it in the present tense. My hope is that it will be cathartic and if others have experienced the same they maybe able to offer support and advice. 

We sent off our adoption application a few months ago. The first court date was set for early December. We were under the impression that the Adoption Order would be made and we would hopefully be able to adopt the girls before Christmas, if not definitely early on in the New Year. However, one of the birth family members is appealing the adoption, the judge did not have time to hear the statement so postponed the hearing until January. A date was set and we thought, okay, this isn’t pleasant, we were not expecting this, but at least we don’t have to wait too long. Today we heard that the date has been set back again. As I read the email my heart sank, more waiting and more days of uncertainty.

On the one hand I can understand, and even empathise, with the birth family. This is their final chance to get their biological family back and it may also say to the girls that they tried, they are wanted and they fought to the bitter end.

In all honesty when I first heard about birth family appealing I felt an overwhelming sense of protection over my girls! I thought there is no way I would just hand the girls back, I would fight with all I had first! As time has gone on all sorts of emotions and thoughts have been evoked. I won’t go into detail but I have been surprised by some of my feelings.

As time goes on I am learning how to deal with stress better and better. I know that this will get sorted and I trust that this is all in God’s hands whatever the outcome. I have comfort that the Social Worker believes the Adoption Order will be granted and hopefully we can put this behind us over the next month or two. I also have amazing family and friends who will support us through this. I am not on my own. The girls have touched a good few people’s lives since they have been with us and they are very much loved and wanted. 


13 comments:

  1. The whole process seems to be in need of some sort of overhaul. It is beyond me why children should ever be placed with potential adoptive families until any appeals process has been concluded and they are actually available for adoption fully.
    Whilst obviously concerning for you - goodness knows what further damage might be caused to the children having been placed with foster parents - then with their 'forever family', only to possibly being uprooted and confused even more if they were to be returned to their birth parent(s).
    Where is the protection and nurturing for them in a system like that?
    Their birth parents might have certain rights - but get it all sorted BEFORE placing them for adoption.
    One halfway-house solution would be for the potential adopters to have them as foster children with the view to eventual adoption. This way the children won't be told anything about the longer term until it's decided and therefore won't be 'lied' to (in their eyes) and the adopters also have the benefit of receiving the foster parent fee to help with their initial introduction.

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    1. I completely agree with you, I had this very same discussion with their Social Worker. We were not even made aware that it was a possible outcome from the hearing, so took us by surprise. Thank you for your support.

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  2. Praying for His peace in your hearts at this time. I didn't have space on Twitter to say all I wanted to when you shared this news, but my SW told me of a case where a an application for a final order was made for a child who was 4 or 5 years old. She had been taken into care as a small baby and had been with her adoptive family for some time. The appeal was made on the grounds that birth family had completely turned their lives around, sorted out their issues and had subsequent children that they had been able to keep. Even so, the judge rejected the appeal on the grounds that it would be too traumatic for the child to be taken from the only family she had really known and returned to a birth family she had little or no memory of. Some would find this decision controversial and sure my heart is sad for the birth family who had worked so hard, but it just goes to show how unlikely it is for these appeals to be granted.

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  3. Hi Suddenly Mummy, thank you very much for your comment and your support. I just can't imagine the pain and upset it would cause the girls to go back to their birth family for the same reasons you have mentioned. Thank you for your prayers.

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  4. You will be in our prayers too. Although in the end our order went through smoothly, after the first hearing both our boy's birth parents both decided to contest the order. I was a horrible time and it is so hard to stop your mind running away with doomsday scenarios and assuming the worst. All through it the SW also reassured us that their grounds would be incredibly thin and that court would consider the additional trauma on our child - who had not lived with either of his birth parents for over two years and who had been with us almost a year - very strongly in coming to a decision.

    In the end they did not pursue the case and withdrew their objections. It was horrible though and I so feel for you. I love that verse in Jeremiah too. It is a favourite and has often been an encouragement in uncertain times for us. Hoping, trusting and praying that soon the right decision is made and you can all put this behind you.

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    1. Thank you so much for your support and prayers, it is very much appreciated.

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  5. Grrr. I"m sure, like everybody, things will work out fine but that wait and that unknown can be so hard. Thanks for sharing and keep us updated:)

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    1. Thank you very much. Hope you are ok! Will keep you updated.

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  6. Many moons ago we experienced a similar thing with our first three children, Assurances that everything was fine, no reasons to be concerned then the unthinkable, a close family member contests and all we had planned and hoped for was taken. Our outcome was clearly positive but 14 years on I can appreciate your anxiety and the hollow feeling that you must be experiencing.
    I hope and pray that the outcome is positive and that those close and dear to you rally and help you through.

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    1. Thank you very much for your support, much appreciated.

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  7. I can understand your frustration and anxiety. Are the girls aware of the delay? I hope it's all sorted out soon and you're able to get that Adoption Order and focus on being a family.

    Thanks for linking up with #WASO x

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    1. Hi, thanks for your comment. No, the girls are not aware of it. I'm not sure they would understand and the older two I think would worry and the news would unsettle them.

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